Jordyn's Blog

*Forget the times he walked by, forget the times he made you cry, forget the times he spoke your name, remember now your not the same. Forget the times he held your hand,forget the sweet things if you can,forget the times & don’t pretend, remember now he’s just your friend.*

Well, how this works is only if the person is willing to give up the everything she had, the everything she needed, and the everything she thought she called hers. The smallest little things a boy can do to make the girl fall completely in love with him is amazing. All the lies he speaks, the smooth lines, and the actions he shows. Maybe there are some guys out there that do know how to take a girls heart and turn the pain she felt around into everything she felt before. But until he comes around she is stuck. She is stuck always remembering the time she shared with him. The smallest things like the songs they listened to together or the movies they fell asleep watching, even the times where they didn`t even watch the movie and enjoy the time they had together, sharing a moment that only the girl would truely express how much she loves him. It`s when she gives away a part of her to someone she really cares about, who she thought would hold that part and not abuse it by throwing it around. After that she still didn`t understadn how much she loved him. She did this again and again hoping that he would understand that she doesn`t just do this with anybody, that it actually means something rather special to her. Not only did she realize that she was wrong, but she realized how it hurt alot more that any other break up story. This felt horrible. Like taking a dull knife and stabbing her with it over and over. Like no other pain she has ever felt before. She felt broken, more insecure, and mostly worthless, like she is only meant for one thing to people. She lost everything, gave everything and most she can`t take back. It`s been alot on her. She didn`t understand what she did wrong, how she could change it, and how to deal with this pain. It takes awhile to heal a wound. Especially one that has been created and hidden for months and then once all goes wrong opens up. Is there anyway she can tell him how she felt? Is there any way she can get over this after so long? The biggest question she asks her self every day, Will she ever be good enough for anyone else? Maybe only time can tell. She has put herself out into the world and tried to get over him. And still, after a month of healing, everytime she hears a certain song, sees a certain movie, hears his name or even is thinking about a memory they once shared, she breaks down and al that healing she has worked so hard on just goes to waste. Why do girls get caught up so much on guys like this. These guys make the girls feel like they are everything to them, makes them feel like she can open up and be her true self. Then he took her too far. So far that when it was over she still cried herself to sleep. She cried to her friends about everything hoping that talking to someone will actually ese the pain of her losing him. But it didn`t. Now she lives with the guilt of letting him walk all over her. Now she knows to be more careful and that there are alot of guys like him. Not only will she get over him, but when him and the next bitch don`t work out, and he comes crawling back to her, she will smile and have someone who treats her the way she wants. And loves her for everything she can give, even if it isn`t a part of her. She will then understand the true meaning of love and not the term `in love` which is more stonger. What doesn`t kill you makes you stronger <3

April 2nd 2012

I can hear the truck tires coming up the gravel road

And its not like her to drive that slow, 

Nothin’s on the radio

Footsteps on the front porch, I hear my doorbell

She usually comes right in, now I can tell

Here comes goodbye, here comes the last time

Here comes the start of every sleepless night

The first of every tear I’m gonna cry

Here comes the pain, 

Here comes me wishing things had never changed

That she was right here in my arms tonight, 

But here comes goodbye

I can hear her say I love you like it was yesterday

And I can see it written on her face that she had never felt this way

One day I thought I’d see her with her daddy by her side

And violins would play here comes the bride

But here comes goodbye, here comes the last time

Here comes the start of every sleepless night

The first of every tear I’m gonna cry

Here comes the pain, Here comes me wishing things had never changed

That she was right here in my arms tonight, 

But here comes goodbye

Why does it have to go from good to gone?

Before the lights turn on, yeah and you’re left alone

Oh, all alone, 

But here comes goodbye

Oh-oh-oh-oh

Here comes goodbye, here comes the last time

Here comes the start of every sleepless night

The first of every tear I’m gonna cry

Here comes the pain, Here comes me wishing things had never changed

That she was right here in my arms tonight, 

But here comes goodbye 

Well, it has almost been a month since you hurt me. I really miss the way I felt with you. Those long hugs we`d share before i left, the soft kisses before we`d go to sleep, and those blue eyes that would look deep into mine. I don`t understand how hard it is to get over you. I personaly don`t think I ever will. You were my first for everything. I miss the way you used to give me your hat and I wouldn`t give it back. All those songs we`d listen to, the movies we watched, chilling with your family, and every night those texts saying `Night Beautiful :)`. I didn`t even know you didn`t feel the way I did. I hoped it was sooner then when you did this. I really am happy that your happy, even if it is not with me. My feelings will never ever change for you because you hold a part of me. Something really important. You are always on my mind. There has never been a day I haven`t thought of you, no matter how hard I try. I feel so worthless and alone now that you left. Most of all, broken. I know there is nothing I can say or do to get you back, but I`d give anything, to spend one more night with you. Every now and then a memory will pass through my mind and I will get all weak in the knees and I know that I miss you. Every now and then I`ll listen to a song, that reminds me of you, and I cry. The first while I cried myself to sleep. I`d dream of you alot because you were my last thought at night. I`d cry in the morning, that must have meant you were on my mind. I really unserstand now, how strong those feelings for you I have. I knew that the day we hung out that I wouldn`t hesitate with you. I just felt that connection. I got butterflies when I saw you, I was really quiet, and I would have done everything. Now that I look back on it, I would have givin you the world. I tried to be everything I could for you. But you pushed me away. I understand you loved her, but when you are on a break with someone you don`t lead a girl like me on, take a huge part of me, then say your going to see `your girl`. I was torn inside. I will be, forever and always.